I am baffled. So baffled. Like a castaway.
Isolation is deadly, really. It alters one's frequency with regards to the rest of the world. It makes you lose some essential qualities that you used to be proud of, qualities that are relevant to everyone around you.
You just cannot fit in.
Today I was enlightened, and hit hard by the reality of it.
I can't accept situations where you contribute to a ''group'' discussion and everyone stares at you as if you were a hispanic speaking korean. It leads you to 4 different conclusions, either/or:
1. The ''group'' members can't understand what you're saying.
2. Your idea is unsuitable/horrible/over-the-top
3. The ''group'' members are shy to speak up.
4. The ''group'' members can't see you. They're staring into space.
For this analysis I would rule out #4 since there was a distinct pause (during which I heard my own voice saying my name) after the person to my left spoke and before the person to my right spoke. Which means I'm really there. And they can see me.
And for #3, I know of someone's colleagues who DO NOT speak up during board meetings. What's the point of a meeting then? Like, everyone stares at each other? How do they get things settled? Then I realized why they don't share ideas. Because once they contribute, they'll be given the task. And so: 'why bother working more when i can get the salary all the same?' So the best thing to do? Play dumb.
And then I observed my LTs during political science and literature. When the lecturer asked a question to (us) the audience, the people responding are the ones who were A) foreign students or B) overseas-educated students. The question Dr Wong asked was 'what are some nation-states you can think of in the world?' and 5 students responded. 4 of them were foreign students. only 1 of them was singaporean. and the worst part was, she was overseas-educated (an acquaintance of mine, that's why i know). This is a serious generalization, but then it has happened.
[So let's make a parallel to the boardroom. Key words: foreign talent. is that why?]
So, #1 and #2 - they are the more probable explanations as to why such things happen during such uncomfortable group discussions. and my analysis tells me that it's due to:
1. Isolation from the rest of the world.
2. Exposure to other ideologies
3. Hence different/wrong frequency, not in "tune" with society's makings
If we look around us, we do find people being able to connect readily with each other.
like, they share the same beliefs,
understand the same films in the same way,
finding the same thing beautiful and another not,
whereas others would thing the first was ugly and the second not.
they can understand each other's views completely in less than 10 words,
they can also see the same flaws, see the flaws of seeing the flaws, see the flaws of seeing the flaws of the flaws...
i guess what i really mean is a "soul-someone". i mean, a "soul-someone". it doesn't have to be someone of the opposite gender at all. and it certainly doesn't have to involve romance or anything. to be honest i look at aristotle's stage today and i realize that even my best friends don't even come close. if i have to give an example.. the closest "soul-someone" i can find is probably my brother. like, sometimes i start a request by saying his name, and then he knows exactly what i requested for without me completing my sentence.
i wished i had a twin. or a clone.
haiz.
whatever.
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4 comments:
hey, postmodernism. ahahahaha.
anyways. i suppose it goes both ways. listen to their views and see if you understand them. i think you won't. not in the way that they do. the weaker claim for the above statement being used, that is; no one can qualify in the stronger claim cos you can't even understand your past selves the way your past selves understood themselves then and further then.
don't worry, when tutorials roll on people will start panicking about the class participation marks and that spills over to the lectures sometimes. operative word being 'sometimes' of course. but you'll be fine, with political science and literature. those are the talkative modules.
whatever your first line means. if it's regarding the way i spell it, i'm sorry but i really can't accept the union of two such words. but i shld learn to adapt.
yah! you're not wrong about that. i don't understand their concept too. cos different pple interpreted it in different ways. to clarify, it's not in tutorial. i was referring to a cca event. fine, i'll just say it. it is a film-making cca. and isn't making a film the more ideas the merrier? definitely ideas in film will be interpreted in different ways. how some people JUST DON'T speak at all through the whole 20 minutes i don't get. it's 20 whole minutes! if i don't talk OR type OR write for 10 minutes, i'll DIE, let alone 20. come on! it's FILM-MAKING. like, ok, sometimes we know inspiration doesn't come when it's supposed to, and that's really fine! but can at least nod in acknowledgement or consent to a yes-or-no question??? ok fine, i'm guilty too, like, just zoning out at the wrong time. and if only something can be done about the tendency of my eyes to see a different scene. i told someone before, i seem to be able to step out of my body. and yes as you can guess, she just stared at 'me', freaked out. that's why sometimes i revert to my 'punk' or 'emo' ways, whatever you call them. it's more comfortable not talking to fellow humans than the unnecessary straining. but for the sake of socialization i shld stop stoning at the wrong time!!!
i mean you're talking about incommensurable points of view. meaning unsuccessful mapping of one's concepts onto another's because of the problem with translation both ways, because of the different ways in which your minds are wired in the first place.
some people just aren't used to off-tangent comments i suppose. not that they're not receptive to the content of the comments, but that they're just wired in a one-track-mind way. it's like how some people just can't multi-task.
and different people have different film-making attitudes i suppose. i mean you have greats like quentin tarantino and woody allen who got so sick and tired of corrupting inputs that they got out into the spotlight and started directing all their films. perhaps you were just lucky enough to be in the presence of future filming greats ahaha.
hmm i don't think the stoning affects your socialization. i think the more important thing is to stop saying the wrong things at the wrong time. hah. no one really is objectionable to reticence i think.
"no one really is objectionable to reticence i think." <-- funny that it came from you!
you always provide the topic sentence for a whole chunk of crap. but i've a better one this time, in plain english:
i couldn't get along with them, period.
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